


1 DON'T L1K3 YOU

by Anon_H



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crack, F/M, Pesterlog, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 09:25:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1423042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Equius and Terezi begin chatting and quickly discover that they really don't like each other.</p><p>  <i>A crackship chronicle</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1 DON'T L1K3 YOU

\--centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 18:54—

CT: D--> Tealblood.  
CT: D--> Are you the one they call Purezi?  
GC: OH H3LLO  
GC: MY N4M3 1S PUR3Z1 4ND 1 4M TH3 ON3 NOT 1MM3D14T3LY JUDG1NG YOU ON TH3 M3R1TS OF OUR ARCH41C CAST3 SYST3M  
GC: SO RUD3  
GC: 4LSO 1 R3M3MB3R P3OPL3’S N4M3S CORR3CTLY  
CT: D--> Wonderful.  
CT: D--> I desire to converse with you.  
CT: D--> You will remain silent and heed my words  
GC: 4ND WH4T 1F 1 DON’T  
CT: D--> Pardon?  
GC: 4ND WH4T 1F 1 DON’T  
GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 ON3 CONT4CT1NG M3 SO 1F 1 DON’T W4NT TO L1ST3N 1 C4N JUST LOG OFF  
CT: D--> Neigh.  
CT: D--> This is an una%eptable idea. You will remain in this conversation and listen to me.  
CT: D--> As a matter of fact, I order you to stay.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: TH3 MOR3 YOU T4LK TH3 L3SS 1 F33L 1NCL1N3D TO DO TH4T  
CT: D--> Cease your defiance this instance lowb100d!  
GC: OR WH4T?  
GC: YOU 4R3 COM1NG THROUGH TH3 SCR33N 4ND ST4RT 4CT1NG DOUCHY TO MY F4C3?  
CT: D--> This behavior is unbecoming of one of your class.  
CT: D--> Though borderline, you áre considered a highb100d.   
CT: D--> Act like it, rather than continuing to behave like a insolent wriggler.  
GC: OH 1 4M SORRY MY M4NN3RS 4R3 NOT UP TO ST4ND4RDS MR H1GHBLOOD S1R  
GC: 4T WH4T PO1NT WH3R3 YOU GO1NG TO 1NTRODUC3 YOURS3LF?  
GC: W4S TH4T GO1NG TO B3 4FT3R YOU GOT DON3 COMM4ND1NG M3 TO ST4Y PUT L1K3 4N 3RR4ND B4RKB34ST?  
CT: D--> Goodness, what an oversight on my part.  
CT: D--> My name is Equius Zahhak.  
GC: T3R3Z1 PYROP3  
CT: D--> Very well. I have an urgent manner to discuss, Mrs Pyrope. Will you hear me out?  
GC: OOOH MY, GOOD M4NN3RS  
GC: MY TROLL 4CH1LL3S H33L >:]  
CT: D--> I have gathered that you recently spent a lot of time with my moirail.  
CT: D--> I wish to know what your intentions are towards her.  
GC: OH SO YOU 4R3 N3P3T4’S MO1R41L  
GC: TH4T WOULD 3XPL41N 4 LOT  
CT: D--> Has she spoken of me?  
GC: Y3S  
CT: D--> E%plain yourself.  
GC: NO  
CT: D--> If my moirail has said anything about my behind my back then I have the right to know.  
CT: D--> Now speak tealb100d.  
GC: NO YOU R34LLY DON’T  
GC: 1T W4S 1N 4 PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON 4ND 1 W1LL NOT B3TR4Y H3R TRUST BY G1V1NG YOU 4N 4CCOUNT OF 3V3RYTH1NG W3 DO  
CT: D--> That sounds e%tremely protective.  
CT: D--> Could your sentiment towards her be one of a pale nature?  
GC: WH4T  
CT: D--> But…. This w001d imply Nepeta finds my services as a moirail unsatisfactory….  
CT: D--> Heavens.  
GC: 4R3 YOU OK4Y >:/  
CT: D--> I am fine.  
CT: D--> I do not require the concern of a lowb100d.  
GC: BY YOUR LOG1C YOUR OWN MO1R41L 1S 4 LOWBLOOD  
CT: D--> Is this why she requires pale services from other trolls?  
CT: D--> She cannot stand being with a troll of superior b100d?  
CT: D--> Is this why she sought the company of one on the warmer end of the spectrum?  
GC: WH3N D1D 1 3V3R S41D 4NY OF TH4T W4S H4PP3N1NG  
CT: D--> So….. You are not trying to court her in your pale quadrant?  
GC: NO >:[  
GC: 1N F4CT 1 4M K1ND4 P1SS3D OFF TO S33 TH4T YOU TH1NK N3P3T4 WOULD GO B3H1ND YOUR B4CK L1K3 TH4T  
CT: D--> I protest!  
CT: D--> You said you were talking about me behind my back!  
GC: Y34H  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D M4K1NG POL1T3 CONV3RS4T1ON  
GC: L1K3: H3Y N3P3T4 HOWS TH3 MO1R41L DO1NG  
CT: D--> W001d you kindly repeat what she has told you?  
GC: NO  
CT: D--> What if I order you too?  
GC: TH3N 1 WOULD L4UGH 4ND S4Y TH4T TH3R3 1SN’T 3NOUGH NO ON TH3 PL4N3T  
CT: D--> You continue to be insolent.  
CT: D--> I do not appreciate that.  
GC: 4ND YOU CONT1NU3 TO TRY 4ND LORD OV3R M3  
GC: 1 R3TURN YOUR S3NT1M3NT  
CT: D--> Your sentiment is noted but irrelevant to the situation at hand.  
CT: D--> I desire to know what my moirail has told you about me. I have the right to know this.  
GC: BL4R  
GC: 4SK H3R YOURS3LF 1F YOU 4R3 SO HUNG UP 4BOUT 1T  
GC: 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO R3L4Y 3V3RY L1TTL3 TH1NG N3P3T4 T3LLS M3 B4CK TO YOU  
CT: D--> E%cept when I ask nicely  
GC: NO NOT 3V3N 1F YOU 4SK N1C3LY  
CT: D--> Then you will e%plain your intentions towards her.  
CT: D--> Though a tealb100d definitely isn’t a bad catch for one of her caste, I do fear your person would be a horrendous influence on my moirail.  
GC: WH3N D1D W4NT1NG TO B3 FR13NDS STOP B31NG 4 TH1NG?  
GC: YOU 4R3 4WFULLY PR3SUMPT1OUS  
CT: D--> It w001d seem the stories of the undisciplined teal caste are correct. Too low to be considered highb100ds and not the decency of the lowb100ds to abide by the system.  
GC: OH MY GOD  
GC: JUST STOP T4LK1NG  
CT: D--> Hnrk……  
CT: D--> Is that an order?  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T  
GC: 1T W4S  
GC: SO STOP T4LK1NG  
GC: 4ND TH3N TH3R3 W4S S1L3NC3  
GC: D1DN’T TH1NK YOU’D 4CTU4LLY L1ST3N TO TH4T  
GC: WH4T 4 W31RDO

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 19:30—

* * *

 

\--centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 10:12--

CT: D--> Tealb100d  
CT: D--> Are you currently present?  
CT: D--> I desire to converse with you.  
GC: Y3S TH1S 1S T34LBLOOD  
GC: HOW M4Y 1 H3LP YOU  
CT: D--> Nepeta mentioned you desire to join the ranks of legislacerators.  
CT: D--> Is this correct?  
GC: OH D3F1N1T3LY >:]  
GC: 4NY H31NOUS CR1M1N4L TH4T D4R3S TO BR34K TH3 L4W G3TS TH3 NOOS3  
GC: 4NY CR1M1N4L 1 P4RT1CUL4RLY D1SL1K3 G3TS 1T TW1C3  
GC: ONC3 FOR TH3 K1LL 4ND ONC3 FOR TH3 SW33T H4NG1NG S3NS4T1ON  
CT: D--> I see. A noble pursuit to be certain. However…….  
GC: HOW3V3R WH4T  
CT: D--> I am not confident in saying someone with your….. disposition is well suited for such a delicate task.  
GC: WH4T  
CT: D--> Legislacerators abide by the Alternian laws. As such, they are subjected to no small amount of etiquette.   
CT: D--> You have already proven to be brash and disrespectful towards those higher on the spectrum.  
CT: D--> Ergo, I do not believe one such as yourself is well suited for the task.  
GC: 1TS C4LL3D PROF3SS1ON4L1SM NUMBNUTS  
CT: D--> I beg your pardon?  
GC: 1 C4N PUT 4S1D3 MY PR1D3 4ND L1CK H1GHBLOOD H33LS 1F 1 H4V3 TO  
GC: 1 DON’T C4R3  
GC: 4LL 1 D3S1R3 1S TO S33 JUST1C3 BROUGHT TO TH3 UNJUST  
GC: 3V3RYTH1NG 3LS3 1S JUST 4 D1STR4CT1ON  
GC: MY 4NC3STOR D1D NOT B3COM3 4 GR34T L3G1SL4C3R4TOR BY M1ND1NG TH3 H1GHBLOOD3D POL1T1CS  
CT: D--> You mean that you have uncovered the tracks your ancestor has left you?  
GC: YUP  
CT: D--> That is a commendable accomplishment considering we haven’t even traveled off-planet yet.  
CT: D--> May I ask how you discovered her identity?  
GC: FL4RP1NG  
CT: D--> Do you take me for a f001?  
GC: 1 4M S3R1OUS  
GC: PL3NTY OF TROLLS D1SCOV3R TH1NGS 4BOUT TH31R 4NC3STOR THROUGH FL4RP1NG  
GC: YOU SHOULD TRY 1T SOM3 T1M3  
CT: D--> Intriguing. I was unaware this was a often used method.  
CT: D--> What w001d this FLARPING entail?  
GC: 4LR1GHT SO F1RST YOU M4K3 4 C4MP41GN OR PL4Y ON3 TH4T 4LR34DY 3X1STS, TH3N YOU CR34T3 4 CH4R4CT3R 4ND GO THROUGH TH3 C4MP41GN 4S TH5T CH4R4CT3R  
CT: D--> So, in essence, roleplaying.  
GC: Y3S  
CT: D--> And like that, you lost my interest.  
CT: D--> I only play games with e%tremely high stakes.  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1T M4D3 M3 D1SCOV3R N3OPHYT3 R3DGL4R3 4ND WH4T 4N 4M4Z1NG P3RSON SH3 W4S  
CT: D--> Neophyte?  
CT: D--> What happened to the earlier claim that she was a great legislacerator?  
GC: SH3 W4S 4ND DON’T 3V3N PR3T3ND SH3 W4S NOT  
CT: D--> Yet she never rose above the rank of neophyte?  
GC: W3LL  
GC: SH3 PROB4BLY COULD H4V3  
CT: D--> Should I assume she was killed before she had a chance to rise through the ranks? How pathetic.  
GC: SHUT UP  
GC: SH3 W4S 4 B4D 4SS  
CT: D--> How many big name criminals did this neophyte arrest on her own?  
GC: ONE  
CT: D--> I rest my case.  
GC: OH L1K3 YOUR OP1N1ON M4TT3RS  
GC: YOU KNOW N3P3T4 R3C3NTLY TOLD M3 YOU 4SP1R3 TO JO1N TH3 4RCH3R4D1C4TORS?  
CT: D--> Indeed I do.  
CT: D--> Though unlike you I have not yet had the fortune to uncover the past of my ancestor. What I do know is that my destiny lies within the esteemed order of archeradicators.  
GC: UH HUH  
CT: D--> They are powerful soldiers whose STRONG shots can pierce through any defense an opposing force can muster.  
CT: D--> Whence their majestic hoofbeasts w001d make the ground tremble to signal their arrival, every soldier in the Alterian forces knows that their battle is already won.  
CT: D--> Enemies drop their arms and pray for a painless death when they catch as much as a whiff of their noble presence.  
CT: D--> The elite among the elite are chosen as the personal guard for Her Imperious Condescension, a honor bestowed upon only a select few every generation.  
GC: NO 1 4GR33  
GC: 1T 1S 4 V3RY 1MPORT4NT M1L1T4RY UN1T  
GC: THOUGH 1 F34R YOUR V1S1ON M4Y B3 OV3RLY ROM4NT1C1Z3D  
CT: D--> I shan’t deny this.  
GC: BUT Y34H 1T 1S 4 V3RY NOBL3 POS1T1ON  
GC: LOT OF TR41N1NG 1NVOLV3D 4ND 4 LOT OF F1GHT1NG  
CT: D--> But of course.  
GC: 4ND 4 LOT OF  
GC: 4RCH3RY >:]  
CT: D--> hrnk……..  
CT: D--> I think we are done discussing this subject.  
GC: OH NO  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD L1K3 TO H34R MOR3 4BOUT YOUR 3XP3RT OP1N1ON R3G4RD1NG 4RCH3RY  
CT: D--> This subject is making me uncomfortable. Cease.  
GC: 1 DO G3T 4WFULLY CONFUS3D BY TH3 WHOL3 BOW TH1NG  
GC: HOW DO YOU 3V3N F1R3 4RROWS W1TH SUCH 4N 1NSTRUM3NT  
CT: D--> Let us discuss something else.  
CT: D--> Anything else.  
GC: P3RH4PS YOU C4N G1V3 M3 4 F3W PO1NT3RS ON HOW TO F1R3 4N 4RROW  
GC: PROP3RLY  
CT: D--> Towel!  
CT: D--> I require a darn towel!  
GC: 4ND YOU W3R3 G1V1NG M3 SH1T 4BOUT B3COM1NG 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR  
GC: H4V3 FUN CL34N1NG UP TH3 M3SS YOU M4D3

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 10:41--

* * *

 

\--centairsTesticle [CT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 17:32--

CT: D--> Tealb100d  
CT: D--> I require your full attention.  
GC: R34LLY?  
GC: TH1RD CONV3RS4T1ON 4ND YOU ST1LL C4N’T B3 4SK3D TO R3M3MB3R MY N4M3?  
CT: D--> I do not see the necessity.  
CT: D--> Regardless, I desire to speak about you and your…… quadrants.  
GC: WH4T  
GC: YOU DON’T C4R3 FOR MY N4M3 BUT YOU W4NT TO KNOW 4BOUT MY QU4DR4NTS?!  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3CK 1S WRONG W1TH YOU >:[  
CT: D--> Allow me to rephrase that.  
CT: D--> It is not so much your quadrants that fascinate me.  
CT: D--> It is your alliance with one Vriska Serket worries me.  
GC: OH  
GC: H3R  
CT: D--> I do not know whether your sentiment is pale, red or even black but it is a cause for concern.  
CT: D--> Particularly for my moirail, who for some reason fell into this strange decease called friendship with you.  
GC: FOR GOD’S S4K3S 1 4M JUST FR13NDS W1TH H3R  
GC: S1ST3RS W3 C4LL OURS3LV3S  
GC: YOU KNOW TH4T B31NG FR13NDS 1S ST1LL 4 TH1NG TH4T H4PP3NS W1TH P3OPL3 R1GHT?  
CT: D--> You appear to befriend an awful lot of people.  
GC: 4LSO FR13NDSH1P 1SN’T 4 D3C34S3 NUMBNUTS  
CT: D--> Regardless, I assume you are well aware of Mrs Serket’s habits?  
CT: D--> Her unchecked cruelty, her penchant for manipulation, need I continue?  
GC: PL34S3 DO  
GC: 1 THOUGHT 4LL THOS3 TROLLS 1 US3D TO FL4RP W1TH F3D TH3MS3LV3S TO H3R G14NT SP1D3R LUSUS  
GC: YOU M34N TO S4Y SH3 W4S R3SPONS1BL3 4LL 4LONG?  
CT: D--> My point e%actly.  
CT: D--> Either you are f001ish and remain ignorant of her actions or you are as dangerous as she is.  
CT: D--> Therefore, I am forbidding Nepeta from meeting you again.  
GC: WH4T!  
CT: D--> It is for her own protection.  
CT: D--> To have her associate with such an impudent character is simply una%ceptable  
GC: YOU C4N NOT B3 S3R1OUS  
CT: D--> I most certainly am.  
CT: D--> You are a horrible influence on my moirail. She grows more reckless and defiant by the day.  
CT: D--> And now I have reason to believe you are a potential threat to her safety.  
GC: BUT 1 4M NOT!  
CT: D--> Are you not?  
CT: D--> You attempted to keep your alliance with my neighbor from me. What more secrets do you keep?  
GC: 1 N3V3R TR13D TO K33P TH4T FROM YOU, YOU COLOSS4L PR1CK!   
GC: 4T WH4T PO1NT DUR1NG OUR BR13F 3XCH4NG3S D1D YOU 3XP3CT TO H34R TH4T?  
CT: D--> It does not change the distasteful behavior of both you and her.  
GC: 4LR1GHT LOOK  
GC: 1 W3NT 4LONG W1TH THE WHOL3 TH1NG B3C4US3 1 W4NT3D TO PUN1SH TH3 W1CK3D 4ND FOR 4 T1M3 TH4T WORK3D GR34T  
GC: W3 WORK3D 4S 4 T34M TO BR1NG DOWN 4SSHOL3S 4ND CR1M1N4LS FOR MY S4K3 SO SH3 COULD F33D TH3M TO H3R LUSUS FOR H3R OWN  
CT: D--> A symbiotic relationship?  
GC: SORT4?  
GC: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D  
GC: 1 TH1NK SH3 1S SLOWLY LOS1NG 1T   
GC: 1 K33P F1ND1NG OUT SH3 H4S B33N F33D1NG 1NNOC3NT K1DS TO H3R LUSUS 4S W3LL 1N ST34D OF JUST THOSE TH4T D3S3RV3D 1T  
GC: 4ND 1 C4N’T ST3P 4W4Y B3C4US3 1F 1 DO SH3’LL B3 COMPL3T3LY UNCH3CK3D  
CT: D--> I see. She requires the e%pertise of a moirail.  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: 4ND FOR 4 WH1L3 1 THOUGHT 1T WOULD B3 M3  
GC: BUT TH4T N3V3R WORK3D OUT  
CT: D--> It frightened you.  
GC: WH4T  
CT: D--> The responsibility of taking care of such a dangerous troll.  
CT: D--> It frightened you.  
GC: NO 1T D1DN’T!  
CT: D--> It didn’t?  
GC: 1T D1DN’T  
GC: 1T JUST N3V3R R34LLY CL1CK3D L1K3 TH4T B3TW33N US  
GC: NO P4L3 SP4RK 4T 4LL  
CT: D--> I see.  
CT: D--> Then I have one question remaining.  
GC: WH4T!  
CT: D--> If you desire to dedicate your life to the punishment of the unjust.  
CT: D--> Why is my neighbor still breathing?  
GC: 44444444444444444444RGHH!  
CT: D--> She will not be missed. You might actually be doing people a favor.  
GC: DO NOT 3V3N ST4RT 4BOUT TH1S!  
GC: 1 C4N’T K1LL H3R OK4Y!  
CT: D--> Okay.  
GC: OK4Y?  
CT: D--> Yes. Okay.  
GC: J3GUS………  
GC: 1 DO NOT W4NT TO GO TH3R3 R1GHT NOW OK?  
CT: D--> Very well. I can inform you of another place you shall not be treading.  
CT: D--> Nepeta’s hive.  
GC: YOU DO NOT H4V3 TH3 4UTHOR1TY TO K33P M3 4W4Y FROM MY FR13ND  
CT: D--> I think you shall find that I do.  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T  
GC: YOU W4NT N3P3T4 TO B3 S4F3 R1GHT?  
CT: D--> More than anything.  
GC: YOU W4NT H3R TO FOLLOW TH3 RUL3S? B3 4 GOOD TROLL W1TH 4 L1TTL3 BOW ON TOP?  
CT: D--> Correct. Though I w001d prefer you refrain from mentioning bows.  
CT: D--> The subject makes me perspire.  
GC: 4ND W3 DON’T W4NT TH4T  
GC: 1’LL SHOW YOU WH4T 4 GOOD L1TTL3 TROLL N3P3T4 1S BY ORD3R1NG H3R TO COM3 H4NG OUT W1TH M3  
CT: D--> You can’t. I just e%plained this to you.  
CT: D--> I forbade her from seeing you again.  
GC: 1 KNOW  
GC: BUT 4S H3R SUP3R1OR ON TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM 1 ORD3R N3P3T4 TO COM3 OV3R 4ND H4NG OUT W1TH M3  
GC: SH3 OB3YS TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM 4ND 1 G3T TO PL4Y W1TH MY FR13ND  
GC: 3V3RYON3 W1NS  
CT: D--> You are a despicable piece of work.  
CT: D--> Conversations with you have proven to be nothing but a waste of time.  
GC: W3LL B4CK 4T YOU  
GC: THOUGH YOU 4R3 GOOD FOR 4 L4UGH 3V3RY NOW 4ND TH3N  
GC: NOW 1F YOU’LL 3XCUS3 M3  
GC: 1’LL B3 H4NG1NG OUT W1TH N3P3T4  
GC: B3C4US3 1 ORD3R3D H3R TOO  
CT: D--> Hnrk…….  
GC: OH GOD  
GC: YOU R34LLY H4V3 4 TH1NG FOR TH4T?  
CT: D--> Silence you harlot.  
GC: NO NO NO TH1S 1S TOO 4MUS1NG  
GC: 1 C4N’T DO TH1S  
GC: DO NOT T3MPT M3 Z4HH4K  
GC: 1 COMM4ND YOU NOT TOO  
CT: D--> But I……  
CT: D--> And you……  
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4  
GC: L4T3R

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 18:01--

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\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 20:24--

GC: OH YOU MUST TH1NK YOURS3LF SO CL3V3R  
CT: D--> Pardon?  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T 1 4M T4LK1NG 4BOUT!  
CT: D--> Neigh  
CT: D--> I have nary a clue.  
GC: 3V3RY T1M3 1 W4NT TO H4NG OUT W1TH N3P3T4 TH3S3 D4YS SH3’S ‘TOO BUSY’  
GC: USU4LLY B3C4US3 H3R MO1R41L JUST SO H4PP3NS TO N33D 4 PROP3R P4PP1NG 4T TH4T 3X4CT MOM3NT  
CT: D--> Well, I do not feel like you sh001d be aware of something so private. Whether or not there was any papping is none of your business.  
GC: BUT YOU 4R3 DO1NG 1T TO PR3V3NT H34 FROM S331NG M3 >:(  
CT: D--> Do not flatter yourself.  
CT: D--> It has been an e%tremely stressful period wherein I had to work on a most peculiar project.  
CT: D--> Though it w001d have been most convenient had I e%ecuted your plan.  
GC: P4H  
GC: TH1S F4C4D3 1S UNCONV1NC1NG  
CT: D--> It is a façade fueled by naught but your own paranoia.  
CT: D--> Nepeta has made it very clear that if I w001d stand between her and her friends there w001d be serious repercussions for our relationship.  
CT: D--> Though we have yet to work out the specifi% of what is and isn’t allowed she seemed very f001hardy about seeing you.  
GC: OH  
GC: TH4T 1S GOOD  
CT: D--> I cannot for the life of me understand why, but she thinks the world of you.  
GC: WHO KNOWS  
GC: M4YB3 YOU WOULD L1K3 M3 TOO 1F YOU STOPP3D T4LK1NG TO M3 L1K3 1 W4S 4 S3RV4NT H3LLB3NT ON T4K1NG YOUR MO1R41L 4W4Y  
CT: D--> Unlikely.  
CT: D--> I still find you a very unpleasant individual.  
CT: D--> And if misplaced accusations were all that warranted this conversation, I w001d like to return to my project.  
GC: Y34H  
GC: TH4T 1S F1N3 1 GU3SS

\--centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 20:30--

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\--centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:15--

CT: D--> Tealb100d.  
CT: D--> No, that isn’t right. Terezi Pyrope.  
CT: D--> Yes, much better.  
GC: W4T/.  
CT: D--> Frankly do not know e%actly what to say.   
CT: D--> Regardless, I w001d like to e%press my gratitude for your attempt to avenge Aradia  
GC: 1A NP PLOBREM  
CT: D--> ….E%cuse me?  
GC: 1S 4HT 1TZ NITTA PEOBLEM  
CT: D--> Your words fail to make sense.  
CT: D--> Your regular typing style is abysmal but somehow it has gotten even worse.  
GC: FICK YPI  
CT: D--> I w001d have avenged Aradia in person, but she claims it was part of some scheme.  
CT: D--> Regardless, it gave me no small amount of joy when I discovered Mrs Serkets dismemberment.   
GC: SHUOLT K2LL4D H3T  
CT: D--> I……  
CT: D--> To borrow from my moirail’s roleplaying I am now letting out an audible sigh.  
CT: D--> If you refuse to take my words of than% seriously then I shall be on my way.  
GC: OG SHUT 2T ?:P  
CT: D--> Either resume your normal quirk or consider my rapidly diminishing desire to converse to have faded from e%istance.   
GC: I DNT 3V4N W5NT TO T3LK!  
GC: 1 M 8L1ND4D!  
GC: S4KR2T GOT M4 B4CK!  
CT: D--> You keep wasting my time.  
CT: D--> You continue to be a nuisance.  
CT: D--> I do not know why I bothered.  
GC: GO FUVL YUORD4LF!

\--centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:21--

* * *

 

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] ar 11:34--

GC: H3Y  
CT: D--> hello.  
GC: WHY D1D YOU DO 1T?  
CT: D--> Do what e%actly  
GC: OH YOU KNOW WH4T 1 4M T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
GC: F1RST YOU TH4NK M3 FOR TRY1NG TO T4K3 VR1SK4’S L1F3 4ND TH3N YOU GO 4ROUND BU1LD1NG H3R 4 N3W 4RM  
GC: SO M4YB3 TH4T WOULDN’T B3 TOO W31RD 1 M34N SH3 1S YOUR N31GHBOR  
GC: BUT N3P3T4 TOLD M3 YOU H4D 4 TH1NG FOR 4R4D14 4ND NOW YOU H3LP TH3 TROLL TH4T K1LL3D H3R?  
CT: D--> Hnrk…. She told you?  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T YOU  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL 1S YOUR 4NGL3?  
CT: D--> Of course you do not get me.  
CT: D--> I never asked for you to get me and I do not e%pect you to get me.  
GC: WH4T DO3S TH4T 3V3N M34N  
CT: D--> Everything I have done has been according to Aradia’s devices.  
GC: 4ND 4 LOT OF GOOD TH4T H4S DON3 H3R  
GC: SH3 1S D34D  
GC: OR D1D YOU F41L TO NOT1C3 4LL TH3 W4Y FROM UP TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM?  
CT: D--> You are acting like a petulant wriggler again.  
CT: D--> Cease or consider this conversation terminated.  
GC: SO WHY H3LP VR1SK4  
CT: D--> Because Aradia had asked me to do so.  
GC: 4ND YOU JUST  
GC: 1 DON’T G3T HOW YOU COULD DO TH4T  
GC: 4FT3R G1V1NG M3 SH1T FOR NOT K1LL1NG H3R 34RL13R  
CT: D--> Make no mistake. I still believe it w001d be in our best interests if someone as unstable as her w001d be e%ecuted.  
CT: D--> But that is not the way things are supposed to be.  
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW TH4T 1S NOT TH3 W4Y TH1NGS 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3?!  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU GO1NG ON 4BOUT?!  
CT: D--> According to Aradia, Vriska is not supposed to die here.  
CT: D--> And considering I trust her judgment, I did my part to aid her.  
GC: SO TH3 3NT1R3 TH1NG 1 ORCH3STR4T3D H4S PROV3N TO B3 PO1NTL3SS  
GC: TH4NKS 4 LOT 4SSHOL3  
GC: 1 4M BL1ND TH4NKS TO H3R!  
CT: D--> You were blinded because you failed to kill her proper.  
GC: YOU D1CK!  
CT: D--> It seems you are typing just fine despite your handicap and manage to be just as insufferable as before.  
GC: DON’T 3V3N G3T M3 ST4RT3D  
GC: 1T R34LLY T4K3S 4 WH1L3 TO G3T US3D TO S331NG BY SM3LL  
CT: D--> Forgive me for finding that hard to believe.  
CT: D--> You cannot ‘see’ by smelling.  
CT: D--> It is per definition different from seeing.   
GC: 1 C4N SO 4LLOW M3 TO D3MONSTR4T3  
GC: YOUR T3XT SM3LLS L1K3 4ZUR1T3  
GC: 4ND SW34T  
GC: 4ND STUP1D1TY  
CT: D--> Do you think I was incorrect in aiding Serket?  
GC: 1  
GC: W3LL  
GC: NO  
CT: D--> Then e%plain yourself before I lose what little patience remains.  
GC: 1 4M ST1LL V3RY CONFL1CT3D OV3R H4V1NG TO K1LL H3R  
GC: SH3 1S 4 D4NG3R FOR 3V3RYON3 4ROUND H3R 4ND MUST B3 STOPP3D  
GC: BUT SH3 1S 4LSO ON3 OF MY CLOS3ST FR13NDS  
CT: D--> You are only lending further credence to my theory regarding your own intentions towards her.  
GC: G4H 1T 1SN’T P4L3 4LR1GHT!  
GC: G33SH, NOW 1 S33 WH3R3 N3P3T4 BORROW3D H3R SH1PP1NG GOGGL3S FROM  
CT: D--> Red, black, it is none of my concern. Your feelings blind you to your own hypocrisy.   
CT: D--> You do not think I was incorrect in aiding Serket but you wish to vent your misplaced frustrations about me helping her regardless.  
GC: YES!  
GC: 1S TH4T TOO MUCH TO 4SK?  
CT: D--> Perhaps I sh001d invest time in building an auto-responder so you may whine to your heart’s content.  
CT: D--> If I find myself in a particular good mood, I may even program it to care about these insignificant little problems you continue to bother me with.  
CT: D--> Also, I do not ‘ship’. I merely analyzed the situation at hoof and have drawn the obvious conc100sion.  
GC: OH MY GOD YOU 4R3 SUCH 4N 4SSHOL3!  
CT: D--> This conversation has proven to be a waste of time, as I have come to e%pect.  
GC: FUCK 1T  
GC: TH4NKS FOR BU1LD1NG VR1SK4 H3R N3W ROBOT 4RM  
GC: 1T WOULDN’T B3 4 CH4LL3NG3 OTH3RW1S3  
GC: YOU S4CK OF SH1T  
CT: D--> So you still intent to kill her?  
GC: NO  
GC: BUT SH3 1S SUR3 4S H3LL COM1NG 4FT3R M3 FOR BLOW1NG UP H3R F4VOR1T3 8-B4LL  
CT: D--> She c001dn’t if she wanted to.  
GC: WH4T?  
CT: D--> Allow me to rephrase that. She can’t harm anyone if I remain vigilant.  
CT: D--> I installed a mechanism into her arm for the sole purpose of making her hit herself in the face.  
CT: D--> My petty way of revenge for Aradia, considering she e%plicitely told me not to kill her. It also functions as a source of endless amusement.  
GC: TH4T’S 4CTU4LLY K1ND4 CL3V3R  
GC: NOT TO M3NT1ON PR3TTY FUNNY  
GC: COULD YOU P3RH4PS PR3SS 1T ONC3 OR TW1C3 TO S33 1F 1T ST1LL WORKS >:]  
CT:D-->: Perhaps, when I feel like it. CT:D-->: Are we done? GC: 1 GU3SS?  
CT: D--> Alright.

\--centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 12:11--

* * *

 

\--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 18:49--

GC: W3 N33D TO T4LK  
CT: D--> No we don’t.  
CT: D--> There is nothing obligating me from continuing this inevitably pointless line of conversing.  
GC: 1 S41D W3 N33D TO T4LK  
GC: SO W3 W1LL  
GC: UND3RSTOOD  
CT: D--> You….. Can not make me do anything.  
GC: DO 1 H4V3 TO M4K3 1T 4 COMM4ND 4G41N?  
CT: D-->……..e%cuse me. it appears I am perspiring again.  
CT: D--> Hold on please.  
GC: F1N3 TH3N 1 GU3SS 1 C4N JUST G3T TH1S OFF MY CH3ST W1THOUT YOU M4K1NG 1T W31RD  
GC: 1 R34LLY DON’T UND3RST4ND WH4T 1S GO1NG ON BUT  
GC: W3LL  
GC: H3R3 1T GO3S  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 4M ST4RT1NG TO H4T3 YOU 4ND 1T 1S R34LLY W31RD1NG M3 OUT  
GC: YOU 4R3 1NSUFF3R4BL3 4ND K33P TRY1NG TO LORD OV3R M3 1N ON3 FORM OR 4NOTH3R  
GC: YOU K33P 4CT1NG L1K3 YOU 4R3 SO MUCH B3TT3R TH4N 3V3RYON3 3LS3 4ND 1T JUST P1SS3S M3 OFF  
GC: 4ND 1F TH4T W4S 4LL YOU D1D 1T WOULDN’T B3 TOO B4D BUT YOU K33P G3TT1NG 1NTO MY H34D  
GC: YOU M4D3 1T P3RSON4L BY TRY1NG TO T4K3 MY FR13ND 4W4Y FROM M3  
GC: 4ND TH3 W4Y YOU CONFRONT M3 4BOUT VR1SK4 JUST  
GC: 444RGH  
GC: 1T M4D3 M3 SO 4NGRY TO B3 C4LL3D OUT L1K3 TH4T >:[  
GC: BUT 1 D1DN’T W4NT TO B4CK DOWN  
GC: 1T JUST M4D3 M3 W4NT TO F1GHT B4CK H4RD3R   
GC: NOW 1 F33L L1K3 1 MUST PROV3 MYS3LF TO YOU 4ND FORC3 YOU TO R3SP3CT M3 4S 4N 3QU4L.  
GC: 1 H4T3 TH3 W4Y 1T F33LS BUT 1 C4N’T QU1T  
GC: QU1TT1NG NOW WOULD F33L L1K3 V4L1D4T1NG 4LL TH3 CR4P YOU S4Y GC: SO Y34H  
GC: TH4T’S GO1NG ON  
GC: 4R3 YOU TH3R3?  
CT: D--> I…….  
CT: D--> I feel like I need another towel.  
GC: OH NO YOU DON’T!  
GC: DON’T YOU D4R3 L34V3 M3 H4NG1NG!  
CT: D--> Hrmph……. If you insist.  
GC: SO WH4T DO YOU TH1NK?  
CT: D--> I think you are 100king for a romance in all the wrong places.  
CT: D--> You are a repugnant person and I w001d sooner lose my STRENGTH than take you in any of my quadrants.  
GC: WH4T!  
CT: D--> You are a horrible influence on me and my moirail and I w001d rather just forget you e%ist.  
GC: YOU 1NCR3D1BL3 H3MOL4DD3R HUMP1NG HOOFB34ST BLOW1NG CL4SS1ST MOTH3RFUCK3R!  
CT: D--> Please do not use your entire vocabulary in a single sentence.  
CT: D--> I suppose I am flattered to have caught your ire, however it is simply unthinkable for me to date anyone below me on the hemospectrum.  
GC: OBJ3CT1ON YOU DOUCH3B4G!  
CT: D--> Pardon?  
GC: YOU H4D TH4T S3CR3T TH1NG W1TH 4R4D14!  
CT: D--> But who…… Fiddlesti%.  
GC: YOU M4Y R3C4LL N3P3T4 1NFORM3D M3 4BOUT TH4T >:]  
GC: 1F YOU DON’T H4T3 M3 TH4T’S F1N3 BUT DON’T YOU D4R3 H1D3 B3H1ND TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM 4S 4N 3XCUSE YOU M1S3R4BL3 SNOB!  
CT: D--> I….. Please understand Pyrope.  
CT: D--> This hypothetical black relationship c001d never work.  
GC: OH?  
GC: WHY WOULD 1T NOT?  
GC: SP34K1NG PUR3LY 1N HYPOTH3T1C4LS OF COURS3  
CT: D--> You are not STRONG enough.  
CT: D--> Aradia had her psychic ability protecting her, but I can not guarantee your safety were we to…… antagonize.  
CT: D--> There is little as shameful as a troll who murders his kismesis.  
GC: DON’T WORRY 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW 4 F3W KNOTS TH4T 3V3N YOU W1LL H4V3 D1FF1CULTY BR34K1NG  
CT: D--> I sincerely doubt it.  
GC: W3LL YOU DON’T KNOW UNT1LL YOU TRY >:/  
GC: BUT 1 F33L L1K3 W3 R34LLY GOT SOM3TH1NG GO1NG ON H3R3  
CT: D--> I feel like you are going into this faster than you can manage.  
CT: D--> Much as I hate you, seeing you get in over your head w001d easily be the most pathetic display I have seen all sweep.  
GC: W3LL 4T L34ST YOU C4N 4DM1T TO H4T1NG M3 NOW  
GC: SO 1 4M CH4LK1NG TH1S UP TO 4 SM4LL V1CTORY  
CT: D--> How paltry.  
GC: DO YOU D1SL1K3 1T WH3N 1 4M B31NG FR1VOLOUS?  
CT: D--> I consider it wrigglerlike behavior, if that is what you mean.  
GC: TH3N 1 W1LL M4K3 SUR3 TO CONT1NU3 B31NG 1NCR3D1BLY FR1VOLOUS >:]  
CT: D--> Hmph.  
CT: D--> If I may be so bold….. Perhaps a meeting is required to get better acquainted.  
CT: D--> Say, tomorrow perhaps?  
GC: 1 COULD COM3 OV3R R1GHT NOW 1F YOU L1K3  
CT: D--> Neigh. I feel I must discuss the current state of affairs with my moirail first.  
GC: 4444W  
GC: YOU N33D H3R P3RM1SS1ON TO T4K3 YOUR K1SM3S1S ON 4 D4T3?  
CT: D--> Potential kismesis. Getting ahead of yourself once again Pyrope.  
GC: B4H  
CT: D--> And I fear she may be somewhat distraught to learn her friend and her moirail are glaring spades at each other.  
CT: D--> Worst case scenario may involve her making an attempt to auspistize.  
CT: D--> I do not desire to flip quadrants with my moirail.  
GC: 1 S33  
GC: NO N31TH3R OF US W4NTS TH4T  
CT: D--> Indeed.  
CT: D--> My relationship with Nepeta has priority.   
CT: D--> If that sounds hurtful to you then I may actually crack a smile.  
GC: H4H4H4 V3RY FUNNY YOU J3RK  
GC: 3QU1US Z4HH4K D3V3LOP1NG 4 S3NS3 OF HUMOR D3SP1T3 CL41M1NG WH4T 4 T3RR1BL3 1NFLU3NC3 1 4M  
CT: D--> My opinion of you has only worsened Pyrope.  
GC: YOU S4Y TH3 SW33T3ST TH1NGS  
GC: SEE YOU TOMORROW TH3N?  
CT: D--> Agreed.  
CT: D--> I’ll fill you in on the details tonight.  
GC: OH MR Z4HH4K  
GC: YOU 4R3 G1V1NG M3 TH3 V4PORS  
CT: D--> Urgh…….. You impudent wriggler……..  
GC: <3<  
CT: D--> Tomorrow Pyrope.  
GC: >:(

\--centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 19:30--

**Author's Note:**

> I found a completely unsailed ship I wanted to try, so I did.
> 
> Just try and stop me.


End file.
